I Love a Lovely Mess

I once stole from my father.

I didn't take his money,
or anything he owned.

I robbed him of his trust in me,
although he never knew.

He hasn't missed it yet,
as far as I can tell.

He goes on the same,
expecting that call at eleven.

But every time I see him
I see disappointment
reflected back from his
grey eyes.

I put it there myself,
expecting to be caught.

What will he think,
when he finds out?

I'll never tell him
exactly what it is I did.

But he'll find out soon,
regardless,
when he passes into the dark.

And one day,
when I follow,
he'll either forgive me
or he won't.

Posted by e.c. at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments

There were never any reasons I could give the rain
to stop the endless pounding on my head;
you with all your talcum spices, scents and marble scars
found a way to sin the rain instead.

Break the lamp, slow, babe.
Break the light down, easy.
Tear my heart out, soft, babe.

I'm over you but still I feel the pain.

Rolling down the broadest lane in traffic swept of all,
fingers clutching tightly to a name,
you were weighing deathly on the edge of what I'd done,
scared that you could steal from me her flame.

Turn the flaps up, slow, babe.
Hang your nightgown, easy.
Pour the wine out, gone, babe.

You've changed but all I see is yesterday.

Close the door now, wait, babe.
Hush the hallway, easy.
Pull the shade down, all the way.

I wouldn't trade today for yesterday.

I would not give you back your yesterday.

Posted by e.c. at 11:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm not saying
I have the answer to everything,
I just seem to fix
all the problems you bring me,
day in and day out.

Does that make me strong,
or you weak?

Or do we dance a paradigm,
like a venus fly trap
and its prey?

In this moment,
who is getting eaten?

Posted by e.c. at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Crawling down the liver screw bit and both blasted,
I was wishing she would say the word.
How could I have known the stars took umbrage
to the way I'd combed my hair?

Chili spice mixed death-trip stared
into the space between my lips and
down my throat which tickled for her love.

Give me your love.

Fold it up and pass it underneath
the saffron quilted coat of arms
you squeeled and awed from down the block.

Pumpkin came and went the almond dusted
block of rock went unmolested
in my hands but not in hers.

Hers never shake.

Even when she clutches, breathes the night.

Turning off the light.

Basking, baking, painting next to noon.

Posted by e.c. at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments

Call me on the carpet, call me
On the phone; call me to
The cockpit of your private radio.
Take my hand and place it, touch me,
Turn me on and then turn me away.

Nighttime comes and watchmen call,
The dirty oxblood sky can't fall
Soon enough for you to take me home.
You control the moon, you know you do.
I can't take the morning without you.

If only all the world weren't standing guard
I'd touch your hair, you'd walk the stars--
All you had to do was give the word:
Painted picture, polka-dot balloons.

After dinner I was scared,
You were calm and brushed your hair.
Nothing meant as much to me as blue--
In the air and off the end of June.

Pocket blast, the sacred coin
Slipped off my finger and into the void.
I knew then the mount had blown the view:
Too much of you...
A fissure cone of earth swept left of true.

Breaking, broken, broke I'm bored
of you turning me down.

That God damned moon.

Turning tricks and paying out to you.

Accept the truth.

I am itching, worn, and almost bloomed.

Posted by e.c. at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments

I missed you by a moment.

A silent shout of gold left river-side.
Dead-pan life left under foot.

When summer session coffin smoke
went undetected
other folk were laughing.
And you and me were holding hands.

One week only.
One week only, babe,
and you would be
my Spanish teacher.

You were wearing ultra-smooth
flats and black silk.
I was burning matches with a style
that made you wince.

Turn the clock back a notch
and kiss me please without a thought.

Kiss me please tonight.

I need your kiss tonight.

They were scaring spiders
tight lipped when I was talking.
You were stealing eyes.

I knew that dress was there for me
and I was fit for you.
Your name was nothing new
but still I was talking shit.

Six days only.
Seven days maybe,
and you would cut
the world out, fire.

He's the man I want to be
but not because he smokes.
He tells you dirty jokes
and then he moves inside of you.

Move the hand of fate a bit
and let me make the most of it...

Hold me close tonight.

I need your breathing tight
against me.

Please don't let me go.

I'll never let you go.

Posted by e.c. at 11:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

Why is it when I try to say yes
I end up doing the right thing instead?

You gave me the green light,
my hand slid higher,
but when the night closed
I took the train.

Your kiss lingered longer, lighter
the more I lived it out,
and yet I'm sitting here and you're on the 18th floor
or wherever it is you live.

Your legs were trembling,
I felt the shade from your lips,
and all I could think was
don't make promises you can't keep.

I suppose that's why you like me,
and why I will continue to disappoint you.

Or are you happy I dropped you off
and let you down again?

Is that what we do, you and I?

Wherever we went, we turned heads
snapping to the girl in the short skirt
with the handsome man at her arm.

They all assume we're entwined now,
breathing hard and twisting bedsheets
into origami folds.

I'm even disappointing strangers.

I can keep this up indefinitely,
this good-guy routine.

It isn't me,
but I'm playing that game
for now.

If only you didn't have friends
and couldn't find out
how I'm treating the other
women in your life.

Maybe then I might not say no.

Posted by e.c. at 10:54 PM | Permalink | Comments